We give so much grace to the people we love. We understand when they’re having a bad day, when they need a little bit of space. We forgive when their words are harsh. We know they’re doing the best that they can.
When it comes to ourselves, why is it so hard to extend that same grace?
We criticize and judge ourselves, we feel like we should be doing more, we feel like we aren’t enough. We focus on our shortcomings and failures and have huge expectations for ourselves. We demand perfection from ourselves, and when we fall short, we beat ourselves up.
Giving grace is a practice. It doesn’t come naturally to us when we are programmed for shame. It takes intentionality and interrupting our negative thought loops to master.
Here are some ways to give yourself the grace that you need.
Do What You Can and Let That Be Enough
Sometimes we have a limited amount of energy. If you find yourself exhausted, burnt out, and overwhelmed, just let yourself rest. Do what you have the energy to do well and let the rest go. All the tasks that you think have to be done today will still be there tomorrow. But tomorrow, you may be able to meet those tasks with renewed energy.
Take the pressure off of yourself. Do what you can and then allow yourself to accept that. Rest, renew, do the things that your SPIRIT needs and let that be enough.
Celebrate The Small Wins
If you set a small goal for yourself and accomplished it, take the time to celebrate that win. If you exercised three times this week, let yourself feel proud that you showed up for yourself. Marked a daunting task off your to do list? Awesome! Spent time creating something just for joy? You’re winning.
Even if it’s not an accomplishment that you would tell other people about, let yourself enjoy the fact that you did something today that made you better, got you closer to your goals, made life easier, or made you feel proud.
Those small wins add up!
Crawl When You Need To
There’s a saying that goes, “if you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk, crawl. It’s okay if you need to crawl for a while. In fact, crawl as long as you need to and eventually, with shaky legs, you’ll be able to stand.
Don’t be discouraged if you sometimes have to go back to crawling, but each time you stand up, you’ll be a little bit stronger.
Soon enough, you’ll be running marathons without batting an eye.
Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries is hard, especially if you’re a nurturer or a people pleaser. Setting boundaries is necessary for your peace and it’s so important to set boundaries around your time and your energy. Setting boundaries does not make you selfish or mean. In fact, it’s required for you to be at your best, to be able to give your best to yourself and those around you. Learn to say no without guilt. Use your voice to say what you need. Eliminate the things that drain you. You don’t need to apologize for taking care of your mental health and creating your peace.
Interrupt your inner critic
When you start mentally beating yourself up or letting yourself get lost in the “not enough” narrative, immediately interrupt that voice and say something kind to yourself. If you can’t be kind, just reframe the negative with a neutral statement-no judgement. For example, if you forgot to put your kid in a hat for hat day at school, instead of spending the day in shame and telling yourself that you’re a terrible parent, tell yourself something like, “I care so much about my child and I made a human mistake.”
A general rule to go by: if you wouldn’t say it to your best friend, don’t say it to yourself. Don’t dwell on your perceived failures or shortcomings. The trick is to catch yourself being unkind to yourself and SHUT HER UP AND SHUT HER DOWN right then and there. She is not invited into your thoughts.
Forgive Yourself
We need to forgive ourselves over and over again. Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know. Forgive yourself for being a human being that isn’t perfect. Forgive yourself for who you are when you were just trying to survive. Forgive yourself for staying somewhere longer than you should have. Forgive yourself for the ways that you abandoned yourselfHumans are messy and imperfect. All of us.
Allow yourself to be deeply human.
There is enough criticism and judgement in the world without you adding your own inner critic to the chorus. We all have moments of shame. We all have moments of weakness, messiness, and imperfection. One of the keys to getting through this life with your mental health intact is to give yourself grace. More grace than you think you need. Speak to yourself with empathy and compassion. Love yourself the way you love others. Giving grace doesn’t mean not holding yourself accountable and not trying to grow-you can be accountable for your mistakes AND give yourself grace. You can continue to work on your flaws and grow in the spaces you need to AND give yourself grace while you are doing the work. Accept that you are just a human and that you will do human things. Learn to love yourself both in spite of and because of your humanness.
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