When we think of self care, we often think of bubble baths and spa days. While those are temporarily beneficial for our mental health, lasting self care requires a lot more.
Setting boundaries
Burnout and overwhelm often comes from trying to do too much, trying to be too much to everyone. Letting the needs, judgements, obligations outside of us take precedence over our needs.
The best way to beat burnout is by setting strong boundaries and sticking to them. Sometimes it might look like saying no to something that you just don’t have the capacity for. Maybe it’s going to dinner with acquaintances when you really just want to mindlessly binge watch a show. Maybe it’s taking on a task at your kid’s school that is going to bring you nothing but stress. Maybe it’s turning down an invitation to a party filled with people that deplete your spirit.
Set Boundaries Around Your Time
Time is precious and the way you choose to spend the time you are given impacts every part of your life. If you are constantly giving away your time to people and tasks that deplete you, you are going to be, well…depleted.
If you find yourself filling your time with things that you don’t want to do, you will find yourself quickly falling into the quicksand of burn out.
Try blocking out some time every single day that is just for you. Time to rest, time to do something that sparks a light in you, or even time to just be without any expectation. The trick around this is to make expectations clear-communicate this to the people that you live with and stick by it. Turn off notifications. Go to a new environment-take a class, schedule a weekly dinner with friends, whatever it is that fuels you. If you have to get up before everyone else or stay up a little while after everyone has gone to bed, then do that.
Set Boundaries Around The People That Drain You
We all have toxic people in our orbit. The people that leave us feeling drained, small, exhausted when we have spent time with them. The most powerful thing that you can do for yourself if you are able to, is to cut communication with those people completely. However, that is often not possible if they are a family member, boss, or coworker. That’s where boundaries come in.
If you are dealing with a toxic person in your life, it is vital to set boundaries so that you don’t allow their toxic behaviors to seep into your well being. Limit your time around them. If you have to be at an event where they are, avoid them if possible. Arrive late and leave early.
Teach them how to treat you by what you accept and what you do not. Most people, especially toxic ones, will continue to take as much and for as long as you allow them to. You train them by what you allow and when you set a firm boundary, expect a reaction. They were benefiting from your lack of boundaries and they probably won’t like any boundaries you set, but your job is not to make sure they are comfortable. Your job is to protect your own peace.
Set Boundaries Around the People You Love
Sometimes it’s the people we love the most that we set the fewest boundaries with. It’s important to set those boundaries-even if it’s your parents, your spouse, or your children. If you lack boundaries and you are constantly pouring out every part of your heart, mind, and soul, you will eventually reach burn out. Burn out leads to resentment and bitterness. Your love is not measured in how much you sacrifice yourself for the needs of those you love. Boundaries are healthy and important for joyful, thriving relationships.
Set Boundaries By Saying No
Every time you say yes to something when everything inside of you is screaming no, it’s a tiny act of self betrayal. After a while, you become less of you and that is a recipe for burnout and bitterness. One of the most powerful things you can do for your mental health and self care is learn to say no without explanation or guilt. If you’re someone that has always been a people pleaser, this takes a lot of practice. It’s not easy to feel like you are letting someone down by saying no, but each time you say yes when you want to say no, you are letting yourself down. And you are your only responsibility.
Although self care can be pedicures and quiet time, it won’t matter in the long run if you’re not setting strong boundaries around your peace. It doesn’t matter how many bubble baths you take, if you are always betraying your true self and allowing others wants and needs to override yours, you will eventually break down and burn out.
Setting boundaries is one of the most important things that you can do for your own mental health. Each boundary you set for yourself is a small act of love for you and a way to get you closer to living in your truth.
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