Physical Address
304 North Cardinal St.
Dorchester Center, MA 02124
We hear all the time about red flags and green flags to look out for when dating. There are books about it, websites dedicated to it. We don’t get as much advice about what to look for in healthy friendships. Green flags in friends are those qualities that indicate that this is a safe and healthy person. As someone that’s been lucky enough to have a lot of green flag friends in my life, here are thirteen things to look for in friendship.
1. They are real.
Best friends are authentic. They let you into the messy parts of themselves. They share their vulnerabilities, fears, and insecurity and allow you to feel safe to do the same.
2. They accept you just the way you are.
You don’t have to preface with “don’t judge me, but” because when it comes to best friends, there is no judgment. You accept the flaws in each other and there is no judgment.
3. They make you laugh until one or both of you pees your pants. (and no one judges because we’ve all had kids)
It’s actual science that laughter leads to a longer, better quality life. Your best friends make you laugh until your stomach hurts. You should feel lighter around a best friend-like your soul has gotten a little lift.
4. You trust them with your worst selfies.
You know the ones. The ones that you put into your “hidden” album. Maybe it’s a picture of the time you accidentally overplucked your eyebrows or your bad haircut before you got it fixed. Maybe it’s an unflattering bathing suit picture, but you send it to them because the memory of the beach was so much fun and you know they’ll never share it with another soul. They know your flattering angles and your “good side” and they know which pictures are okay to post without you even telling them.
5. They are protective of you.
When you go on a date with “the new guy”, they gift you pepper spray, and stand by in case you need a fake emergency text or call. They trust your judgment, but they also want to make sure you’re not missing anything that may hurt you. They hurt when you hurt and when someone wrongs you, they feel it just as much (if not more) than you do.
6. They tell you the truth about yourself in a way that makes you reflect rather than makes you feel judged or defensive.
Best friends are in the business of building up, but when they do need to check you they do it in such a way that you don’t feel the need to be defensive, because you know their heart. This is the reason we learn the most about ourselves from the ones that are the closest to us-we are open to hear their feedback because we are safe in their love.
7. It’s impossible to offend each other.
Offense often comes with assuming others intentions. You always give each other the benefit of the doubt and you know each other’s heart and character.
8. TMI does NOT exist.
Your best friend knows all the unappealing details of your bodily functions, your grossest habits, and every detail of your childbirth stories.
9. They celebrate your wins even more than you do.
A best friend celebrates your birthday harder than their own. They are the first to tell everyone when you accomplish something big and they cheer you on and encourage you, with not one single bit of competitiveness or envy. They want you to shine and they will do everything they can to make sure you do.
10. They show up for you in the mess.
Best friends are not only there in the highs of life, they meet you in the mess. They don’t pick you up off the floor, they sit right down beside you (preferably with a bottle of wine) and meet you right where you are. If you say “I need you”, they drop everything and they show up. They always show up.
11. You never have to question their loyalty.
When you have a best friend, you don’t ever wonder if they’re talking negatively about you when you’re not around. Furthermore, you know that if someone else is, they will jump right in and defend your name without hesitation. They hold grudges for you longer than you do-”oh, you were polite to THAT lady that mom shamed you 6 years ago? Well, I still hope she steps on a Lego”.
12. You can have a whole conversation with your eyes.
Best friends are like those twins that develop their own language. You have code names for everyone and you can have an entire, in depth conversation with only your eyes from across a room.
13. Effort is equal.
A best friendship can’t last if one person is consistently putting in more effort. Friendships go through phases where one person can only give what they have to give and the other might have to do the heavy lifting for a while-and then it switches. Best friends lean on each other and both value their friendship and make it a priority, without pressure.
Green flags in friendship are all about the way you feel. A green flag friendship should make you feel accepted, supported, and should add an element of lightness and joy to your life. And when you do finally find your green flag friends, hold on to them for dear life!
