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Listen, I know you’re trying to be Superwoman. You look around and it seems like all of the other women and moms you know have their ish together. They aren’t chronically late, their cars are clean (HOW?!), they have dinner made, they remember to bring all the things to all the things (sunscreen, bandaids, snacks). They appear to have actually brushed their hair in the last week. They don’t yell at their kids. They probably don’t even reheat their coffee three times.
I’m here to tell you, it’s ALL LIES. It’s all an illusion. Think of it like your favorite foundation. When you actually have the time and energy to apply it, the dark circles and frown lines are temporarily erased. You’ve got them all fooled! Well, that’s pretty much how being a woman is. None of us have it all together. Hardly ever. But we are SKILLED at applying foundation and smoothing out the wrinkles of our lives temporarily. People say “Oh my gosh! You’re how old? Wow, you look so good for your age!” (Seriously, young ones-take it from the wise ol’ grandmas like me and don’t add those last three words, like, EVER).
So basically, we are all walking around with our favorite instagram filter slapped over our lives. What would happen if we dropped the filter and let the world see our lives and (gasp!) our makeup free, bare faced selfies?
Here is what would happen.
You would find out the truth about the super organized picture perfect mom. The one that always has her nails done, Starbucks coffee in hand, lunches packed in Bento boxes, and color coded schedules. The truth? She is EXHAUSTED. She spends so much time pouring into her family and trying to keep everything controlled and running that she feels depleted at the end of the day most days. She puts so much pressure on herself to do everything right and her biggest fear is failure.
You would learn that every woman you come across that seems so easy going and zen got that way because she has been through some real life stuff. She’s felt life falling apart at the seams. She’s walked through heartbreak and grief. She knows true fear and she has learned what is worth her energy and what is simply NOT. She is zen because her story forced her to learn to prioritize what is truly important.
You would understand that the tough woman (the one that scares you just a little) that is always ready to put someone in their place and take up for their people, the one that “tells it like it is” and embraces confrontation-she got that way from pain. From living in fight mode because she HAD to fight. She had to claw her way to the surface and she won’t let anyone ever threaten what and who she loves. She refuses to go back to that place that tried to hold her down. Her fight is how she survived.
You would see that the women that gossip about other women do this because they’ve learned that if they keep the focus on someone else’s shortcomings, then maybe no one will see theirs. They are terrified to be vulnerable and exposed. They think that if they judge first, people will forget to judge them.
The mom that seems uninterested and short-she is overwhelmed and small talk is just too much for her right now. She’s not being rude, she is just giving everything she has to give right now.
The woman that has something negative to say about EVERYTHING? She hasn’t always been this way. She’s stuck in a loop of negativity and she can’t seem to get herself out of it.
The loving mom. She always speaks positively about her kids. She loves being a mom and she never fails to remind the world that she does. She isn’t overcompensating. She really does adore her kids. She soaks in every moment. Maybe she wasn’t sure she would ever have a chance to be a mom. Maybe it’s her deepest source of joy. She’s not trying to make you feel bad by loving her kids out loud. She just really does.
The one-upper. Your child accomplishes something great? Oh, hers did that six months ago and did it better. The vacation you’re going on? She went last year and it wasn’t as great as the one she has coming up this summer. She’s always making sure you know that she does it better. This doesn’t always come from a place of arrogance. She may be overcompensating because deep down, she feels that she’s not enough.
We are all wearing filters-in real life and especially on social media. If we really sttripped it down and all showed up as our messy, vulnerable, authentic selves the world wouldn’t blow up. We would find out that we are all much more similar than we know. We would connect more deeply. We would have more empathy for one another. No, if we were brave enough to show up exactly as we are, the world wouldn’t blow up. In fact, it would feel a little bit less lonely.
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