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Grief. When you hear the word, your mind immediately goes to the loss of a loved one. That’s a heavy, lifelong kind of grief. It never goes away, it just changes form. We are all familiar with that kind of grief. You can’t live very long without being touched in some way by it.
What we don’t talk about, are the more subtle kinds of grief. The grief that is different, more nuanced, and much less understood or accepted. The kind of grief without a funeral.
Grieving in heartbreak or divorce
Grief after a divorce or breakup is not that different from grieving death. The difference is that you may be grieving a person that is still alive. You are grieving the loss of a dream.
Grieving what you thought life would look like.
Most of us have a clear picture of what we think our life will look like. Most of us find out very quickly how little control we really have. Life rarely turns out the way we thought it would, and it’s okay to feel sad about that.
Grieving the person you used to be
Sometimes we grieve ourselves. We may grieve who we were before life changed us. It’s okay to miss who you were before life changed. It’s normal to grieve the version do you that may have been more hopeful and innocent, more trusting, had a brighter outlook, was more adventurous. It is inevitable to change and grow, and even if you love who you are now, it’s okay to grieve the parts of you that growth made you shed.
Grieving the childhood you should have had
Grieving for what you didn’t have is a unique kind of grief. If you grew up in a home that was abusive or unstable or faced trauma at a young age, you will probably grieve for the child you should have been. You should have been protected. You should have felt safe. You should never have had to deal with adult problems as a child. You should have been innocent and full of wonder and joy. If you didn’t get to experience that, that IS loss and you have every right to grieve that.
The grief in motherhood
Motherhood comes with so much love and joy. There is no love in this earth that is more sacred and divine than the love a mother has her for her child. With that great love, comes grief. As moms, we grieve each stage our kids leave-the newborn, the toddler, the big kid, the teen. We grieve it because it mattered and life has taught us just how fast time moves. We know with each stage, our babies become different people. We love that, but we miss who they were, too.
Health Related Issues
When you are trapped in your own body by an injury or illness, you will grieve. You will grieve for the moments that you have to miss. You’ll grieve the memories that you’re not getting to make. You will be sad and angry that your body won’t allow you to live fully, the way you used to. Your health is the baseline for everything else in your life and when you don’t have your health, your whole world is affected. That is loss-whether it’s temporary or chronic-and you can give your permission to feel every single stage of grief.
The loss of friendships
Losing friendships deeply affects you to your core, but it’s not a grief that is talked about much. The ebb and flow of friendship as you grow and change is a normal part of life, but that doesn’t make it any easier when a friendship has run its course. Sometimes you grow in different directions, sometimes there’s a betrayal, sometimes you find a friend isn’t who you thought they were. The reason for the end of a friendship doesn’t really matter. It hurts. It’s loss. It needs to be mourned.
Change-even if it’s for the best
Change is inevitable. It’s a constant. As humans, even though we know change is part of life, we often resist it-kicking and screaming. Especially when life is good.
Change can be good. A marriage, a new baby, a move, a new job. We can recognize that it’s for the best and still understand that with change, comes an ending. The end of an era. Both things can be true-change can be wonderful and we can still be a little sad about it. That’s just human nature.
Grief is just a normal part of life. We all feel it at different points in our life. Grief isn’t only reserved for death-although that kind of grief is arguably the deepest kind. Grief has many stages, levels, and forms.
To walk through grief, you have to get acquainted with it. You have to shake its hand, look it in the eye. You have to accept it and let yourself feel it.
