13 Unpopular Truths My 30s Have Taught Me
1. You don’t have to forgive.
Forgiveness is a wonderful, freeing feeling that can bring a lot of peace. However, you don’t have to forgive anyone. You can accept that something happened the way it happened and choose to move on in spite of it, with no bitterness, but no forgiveness required.
2. Everything doesn’t happen for a reason.
I used to buy into this. Now, I don’t believe that everything happens for a reason. I do believe that you can choose to make meaning from everything that happens.
3. You don’t have to find the silver lining.
Training yourself to find positives even when life isn’t great is an important skill for happiness and peace, but sometimes things just flat out suck and it’s okay to just let it be bad.
4. Sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do.
It’s part of adulthood. It’s one thing to protect your energy by knowing when to say no, it’s another to use that to avoid obligations and responsibilities.
5. It’s okay to hurt people’s feelings sometimes.
When someone does or says something that is not okay, it’s okay to call them out respectfully. If they feel uncomfortable, maybe they need to sit with that discomfort. It isn’t your job to always sacrifice your own feelings for other peoples’ just to make things more comfortable.
6. You’re not always right.
The ability to self reflect and understand that sometimes you get it wrong is the sign of a mature, healthy person. Being open to new information and willing to change our ideas based on what we learn is a sure way to deeper growth. To get there, you have to learn to be okay with being wrong and owning it when you are.
7. It’s fine to not make a judgment if you don’t have enough information to do so.
You don’t have to have a strong opinion about everything. Chances are, you haven’t truly explored and researched unbiased sources for every single issue that exists. You probably haven’t taken the time to look at issues from various angles and perspectives before making a judgment. It is perfectly fine to say “I don’t have enough information to have an opinion yet”.
8. Most people are wrapped up in their own lives.
In general, people tend to do what is most comfortable and beneficial for them. They will gravitate toward the people that don’t require much from them, even when it means breaking loyalty to others. They are probably not passionate about topics until it directly affects their own lives. They don’t think about you nearly as much as you think they do because they are too busy thinking about their own lives.
9. If you think the world is always against you, you are the problem.
If you live your life believing that everyone is against you and that you have just the worst luck of anyone ever to exist, you are probably stuck in a victim mindset. When you believe that you are always the victim, you take away your own power. Yes, sometimes life throws bad things at us, sometimes people are just mean, but if you find yourself always feeling like life is against you, hi, you’re the problem, it’s you.
10. If someone wanted to, they would.
People show you how they feel about you by how they treat you. If you find yourself constantly putting in more effort, doing backflips to try to connect or meet up, making excuses, wondering where you stand-that is your answer. If they wanted to, they would.
11. Just because you believe something, doesn’t make it true.
This one speaks for itself. You may hold a belief with your whole entire heart, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it is true. It is not a bad thing to challenge your own beliefs. If new information makes the foundation of what you have always believed crumble, then you know. If new information continuously reinforces what you believe, then you know it’s solid. It’s okay to evolve. As you do, you may find that some of your most strongly held beliefs aren’t true.
12. It doesn’t always need to be addressed.
Not everything needs to be discussed, dissected, and analyzed. Sometimes it’s best just to let things be and move forward.
13. Some people will never be able to see you and that is okay.
People see life through the lens of their upbringing, experiences, and their own traumas. Sometimes they will not be able to see you through those lenses and there is nothing you can do to make them truly see you. When someone is unable to see you, it’s okay to accept that for what it is and move toward the ones that can.
Hard truths are the ones that make you dig a little deeper until you feel a little bit uncomfortable. It’s actually a good thing to feel that discomfort, because it means you’re pushing yourself and growing. Do you agree with these? I’d love to hear your unpopular truths.
Please feel free to share them in the comments below.